When They Forget I’m Black!

By looking at me you could not possibly mistake me for anything else but Black.  I can understand someone questioning the Puerto Rican side of me, but the Black side, that’s pretty obvious, there’s no question.  Now with all that being said, I sometimes wonder why in the world my white counter parts forget I’m Black.  Let me give you an example that I experienced when my white colleague forgot that I was Black.  During a meeting my colleague expressed her frustration at the weekly informational and trivia emails authored by the managing partner.  The emails were part of the managing partner’s homage to Black history month.  These messages depicted the successes of historical Black figures and trivial facts pertaining to the milestones of African Americans. I was personally proud of these emails.  They taught me a thing or two and I was gleefully pleased that I worked at an organization that wasn’t ashamed and publicly acknowledged their support, regardless of what their counter parts might be saying.  I’m not sure if this was the managing partner’s motive, all I know is that the emails gave me my two favorite I’s, informational and inspirational.  Confusingly and yes I should know better, I discovered my white counter part was equally upset, bothered and as she put it, the emails proved the managing partner had nothing better to do with his time.  While all this is being said, I had to take a deep breath, turn my head around a few times, not like Linda Blair in the Exorcist, but trust me if I could, I would of.  

The troubling part of this exercise was not what she said, although it just made her insensitivity for the Black culture more transparent than expected; I was more amazed that she said it in front of me.  The first thing that crossed my mind was, hey I’m in the room, and the other was, are you out of your mind saying this in front of me?  She didn’t seem fazed that I was there. As a matter of fact she spoke to me in a tone of agreement, expecting to me to be her alliance in this opinion.  I wondered the following (1) is she that bold, I mean has she watched too many Kill Bill movies or Charlie’s Angels and thought hey I could say and do whatever OR (2) did she think I was really OK with it, did she consider me to be like her, did she disregard my color, because maybe I assimilated too much.  For some reason I think number 2 might be the answer.  Most of us heard the comments such as, “you are so articulate, you speak well,” etc. etc. etc.  Have I spoken so well that my Blackness is lost and because of so she thinks it’s OK to say whatever insensitive thing comes to mind.  If that is the case, what do I do??  Do I stop being articulate, do I start honey childing all over the place, I mean what?  Does speaking non-ebonic mean I’m not for Black causes.  I’m all about white, I no longer understand the daily issues my brothers and sisters face, and I’m not part of the Black Tax.  At what price do I keep my Blackness and still earn the respect due to me?

Now, if you’re wondering what I said. Yes, I let her have it, in my articulate, well spoken way.  Deep down, you know I wanted to tell her, chick are you tripping, have you lost your mind.  I mean I’m in the room, there’s no doubting what I am, hell I ain’t even light skin, there’s no dispute.  I laid her out and explained how I felt and how I’m sure many others like me and not like me appreciated these emails and how this partner should be complimented for his efforts.  As a matter of fact in front of her I sent him an email expressing my heartfelt gratitude of his actions.  I think she got the picture and I doubt she’ll ever forget that I’m Black.  The only sad thing is that I know there will always be somebody else that I would have to remind, hey I’m Black and don’t you forget it!

Is the “Bling” really for US?

Below is an attempted letter to Mr. Steve Harvey regarding his guest Sean Combs and his entrepreneurial pursuits. 

 

Dear Mr. Harvey,

Recently your morning radio show was graced by the presence Mr. Sean Combs aka, Diddy, aka Puff Daddy.  I’m assuming your invitation to Mr. Combs was not only about his celebrity but also about his endeavors as an upcoming business tycoon.  While I admire any of my fellow African American brothers and sisters who are striving to aspire our community, I am somehow poised to question their sincerity of exactly who are they aspiring.

As I heard Mr. Combs describe his business model of providing an upscale lifestyle and apparel to the African American community, I could not help but wonder with our demographics of inner city poverty, it almost seems contradictory of the very community he is intending to aspire is not the resulted audience at all.  To put it frankly Mr. Combs along with other rap moguls introduce a lifestyle and clothing merchandise at prices that your average African American can not afford.  As you stated Mr. Harvey, he can sleep late with his 100s of millions, while many of us have to get up early and hit that 9-5.  My question is, when these rap moguls promote their additional endeavors they always say I’m doing this for our people, yet has anyone ever surveyed our people to find out if they can afford these items; especially with young impressionable children/teenagers who are their primary market. How can your average African American family afford a Sean John shirt, when we’re trying to save for college, pay bills, some of us are paying our own student loans.  Have these rap moguls who constantly voice their mantra of “keeping it real” forgotten what real really is to your average African American family.  Now, I’m not saying we’re all poor and destitute, but many of us certainly do not have that old “white” generational money that just keeps growing and growing.  It is no secret that the African American family is usually in more debt than it’s counterparts. Yet, we have these so-called, I come from the streets people who made it big, saying I’m doing this for ya’ll.  I wonder HOW?? or are they just being political?  The only people in the ghetto who can afford Sean John without it being on a clearance rack are the Pimps and Hustlers.  Is Mr. Combs and his colleagues saying that this is their targeted audience, because we all know for sure the kid who’s working in McDonalds can’t afford a Sean John anything, unless he spends his whole check and then some. 

Personally it is not the responsibility of Mr. Combs and his colleagues to ensure that the average community of their people can afford their product, but it is their responsibility to be honest of  who this is for and who’s benefiting.  I hope their true targeted audience are not the Pimps and Hustlers and it’s actually individuals like yourself Mr. Harvey who can afford this, but if this is so, then I plead to them to “keep it real” themselves.  Are they so disconnected that they forgot what a struggle is everyday life in your average African American community. The reality is some of us are living pay check to pay check and to say I’m doing this for you without the prospect of affordability is disconcerting.  I am not an authority of how to advise anyone how to promote their business, but I do know one thing, if you’re going to say it’s for me, then let it really be for me.  If we can’t afford these items, then how in the world can it be for us

Lastly, I may be premature in somewhat judging the motives of these successful entrepreneurs; I’m sure their philanthropic activities are not as publicized as much it should be throughout the media.  For all we know a percentage of their proceeds are being replenished into our communities, if not there’s a little suggestion (hint, hint). Bottom line if they are truly in the business of aspiring our people I plead with them to aspire the “real” audience, make this lifestyle touchable to US, if not then please stop saying this is for US. 

Calling Me Nigger is Not the Only Thing That Offends Me

Working in Corporate American presents a host a challenges for African Americans and Latinos, stemming from name recognition somewhat defining our past (let’s not kid ourselves the name “Keshia” is usually an indication of which Black side we came from, (no offense to all the Keshia’s, I feel you), altering our speech, mannerisms, appearance and to some extent in even the storytelling embellishment of childhood/family history.  But what is really puzzling is dealing with the challenge of being offended by what others may perceive as normal. I recently was confronted with this challenge when my boss’s Manager attended a staff meeting.  My boss is normally laid back and non-confrontational, however, on this special day he found himself exercising his super bad Boss powers.  As he responded to his Manager the need to impress arose and this was obviously illustrated by his demeanor and newly found brass attention to detail.  As he proceeded to play the responsible subordinate employee, he also took on the role of the delegating finger pointing boss.  In this instance finger pointing is not being used metaphorically but literally. As this man proceeded to tell me what to do in front of his boss he pointed his finger at me.  Finger pointing in a suggestive “you got it manner” is something I think I could normally tolerate, however, this manner was strong, aggressive, almost like I’m TELLING YOU do it!  The tone of the finger pointing suggest this request had been previously communicated, but to the contrary this was the first mention of this task. 

The look on my face displayed my initial reaction.  It was quite obvious that something had agitated me.  Secondly, the tone of my response suggested my apparent dismay towards this somewhat hostile request.  The more I thought about what had transpired the more I was concerned at being labeled as difficult not willing to take on new task.  However, this was not the case and anyone who knew me well enough knew this was not my typical reaction.  As I’m sure some of colleagues were puzzled by my reaction to this request, it was quite obvious to me why I was upset, but I was frazzled at how I’m sure they didn’t have a clue as to what was troubling me at that moment; a misperception was easily found. 

We often hear it’s not what you say but it’s how you say it.  In this case it wasn’t how he said it but how he displayed it.  Where I come from, mind you I grew up in the South Bronx and quite proud of it!  According to society I was suppose to be a statistic and not in a pleasant way.  The fact that I rose above poverty, drug abuse and any other abuses you can think of is an accomplishment that nobody can ever minimize.  Growing up in the “hood” as some refer to it causes me to respond to situations differently; this is not an excuse but a reality.  Just like there are some customs that could offend other races.  For example, a costume dragon at a party may offend someone of Asian decent.  Where I come from finger pointing is not just a directive act but one that insinuates I’m pissed off and this is my way of telling you off.  It’s offensive and is interpreted as aggressive and real serious.  Finger pointing in the hood often results in a fight, not an argument but a fist fight, school yard 3:00pm after school brawl.  No kidding, between talking about somebody’s mother or finger pointing was justification for kicking somebody’s ass.  This feeling of disrespect is so culturally engrained that it is hard to turn off when you grow up and work in corporate American; and why do you have to??

Though I may take being finger pointed to a whole new level, one has to admit no matter what culture you come from this act has always been regarded as impolite.  In the African American and Latino cultures the only people who get away with pointing their fingers at you are your parents and elders, other than it’s a wrap.  Yet in corporate America, executives and those assuming senior positions are notorious for thinking they get the job done by a point of the finger.  I never thought twice about finger pointing because I just never really tolerated it but when posed with finger pointing in meeting, I did not find it cute, professional or savvy.  I found it disrespectful and insulting.  Furthermore, it takes every being in me not to enact the South Bronx girl in me and not jump across a conference table and kick somebody’s ass like back in the day at IS 116.  Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t a deviant problem child, yet the command of respect was essential in our community.  Drastic, I know but where I come from this is how we dealt with finger pointing, yet as adults no matter how engrained we have to find ways to turn it off or at least lower the volume.  I know jumping over a conference table would not be practical, however, the disposition I was placed should also be considered unpractical.  A reaction such as this one left me to approach the task in a clouded manner.  My sole focus was on disrespect and how I have to eat this.  I wondered why?? If a person of another culture, for example, of Indian descent expresses their concern about a cultural differences, they would be special HR meetings, considerations would be imposed.  Hell they would even have a special seminar.  Yet, with African Americans and Latinos we’re regarded as the “So What” race.  This comment may be a bit too harsh, but let’s look at it; why aren’t there more sensitive race awareness issues regarding African American and Latinos?  Has our assimilation to Corporate America standards provided excuse for the lack of awareness to our culture?  How as a people of color do we explain every nuance that bothers us and trust me they are plenty.  Do we pick and choose what is offensive or not, or do we just roll with the punches.  I personally try to have a balance but in my world I’m now sure how to balance finger pointing.  Am I being overly sensitive or do I respond the way I did and take the risk of being perceived as non-team player or someone who can’t take direction.  The answers to the questions are more baffling than the questions themselves. 

As we get older the tolerance level is so minimized it’s almost as we’re playing Russian roulette with our careers.  The need to speak up and demand respect becomes eminent.  I know personally at the end of the day I have to balance with constructively telling somehow what bothered me and try to consolidate this so called assimilation with hey this is where I’m from and I just don’t tolerate this behavior.  I’m sure this is better than being Ms. IS 116 and throwing down, yet will I be misunderstood as temperamental and do I really care, see how career Russian roulette comes into play!  Honestly, I don’t have answers to any of these questions, all situations are unique and should accompany careful thought consideration.  But I do know one thing at the end of the day I’m the one who has to battle with these feelings and quite frankly at times it almost seems unbearable.  This leads me be believe that I do possess the right to present what my culture deems offensive to light and if it offends anyone then so be it.  Personally it is more important to me to work in environment that provides respect across the board and if they don’t know what is disrespectful how can they provide respect, but be careful that sneaky career Russian roulette can creep up.  I’ve also reasoned with the fact that if I’m such a valued employee my bringing attention to this matter will be received with much regard, if not then hey I know I’ve tried and can’t worry about it.  But one thing I can be sure about is that folks do talk and it all takes is for one to be aware and pass it on and if this is the case then I’m sure that most who matter will figure out finger pointing to this young lady does not go over to well, and if that’s what it takes to accomplish others to notice our differences then that would be fine with me.  I’m sure speaking whether in my favor or not would result in the ceasing of any finger pointing towards me and hopefully for those who share my cultural makeup!

  

When Will White America Stop Having a Tantrum over OJ Simpson?

Jack Ruby the prominent restaurateur of  Ruby’s Steak House was recently patronized by OJ Simpson.  Apparently Mr. Ruby was appalled that OJ would even step foot in his restaurant, and therefore requested that OJ remove himself from the premises. 

Since this brazen and what some may deem as heroic act occurred, Mr. Ruby has been on every news channel boasting of his recent conquest in not allowing OJ to dine at his restaurant.  He even went so far as to say the other patrons commended him for his actions.  As I sat back and watched the barrage of coverage and the praises this restaurateur received from several news hosts, I wondered how long is the OJ tantrum going to last?  The crime OJ was accused of happened 13 years ago.  He was proven innocent, though many in America, Blacks included doubt it.  However, he was found innocent and we are told you are innocent till proven guilty and when you’re not proven guilty then guess what, you’re innocent!  Well when it comes to OJ this is not the case.  See, he’s an exception to the rule.  OJ will always be considered guilty, but I ask guilty of what, killing his ex-wife and Ron Goldman or killing a white blond-haired woman?? 

White American could care less that OJ got off.  Their hatred stems from 1) he had a white woman, 2) he beat her and 3) he killed her. If you pay close attention to the media when addressing OJ Simpson they hardly talk about Ron Goldman.  As I recall he too was brutally murdered.  But you see Ron is not as important as Nicole, there is something sacred about white women and OJ had crossed that line.  Now you have some white Americans who like to rave about equality and don’t’ have a problem with race mixing, we all are one, etc, etc. For those of you who honestly feel this way, that’s a beautiful sentiment and I commend you for it.  But we have to be realistic not everyone share’s the same sentiment. 

The white woman with a black man has always been a thorn in the sides of many white men.  To take their cherished scared possession and have it defiled by a black man is the ultimate race desecration ever!  If you think I’m kidding just read up on Jack Johnson. Jack was the Muhammad Ali of his time.  He was a champion heavy weight fighter who had a lust for white women.  When the world found about Jack and his white girlfriend he was arrested.  Jack had to leave the country to avoid going to jail.  He had to give up his profession and join minstrel shows in order to survive. All this for dating a white woman.  Jack is one example but they are plenty others.  And yes Jack Johnson was in the early 20^th century, however racism if not broken can be generational.  Those grand-daddy’s who taught their sons, who sons taught their sons, who sons thought their son’s who end up being some of the people we deal with today and eventually their children will be some of the children your children will have to deal with tomorrow will share the same desecrated view of race mixing relations. So forgive me if I sound harsh, but based on these so-called family pow-wows I have little faith in believing this race mixing thing is actually OK with most of white America, especially black men/white women relationships.

Somehow in the back of my mind I feel if the victim was Black there wouldn’t be as much contempt for OJ as there is today and will always be.  Now some can say I’m pushing it and question am I on OJ’s side.  The answer is no, I’m not on anybody’s side personally. I don’t even know OJ, but I do know that similar crimes have occurred with black people being murdered by white people and they got off scott free.  For example, Emmitt Till.

Emmitt was a 14 year old boy visiting his uncle in Mississippi.  One day being the flirtatious boy that any 14 year old boy would be, he whistled at a white woman.  That very night the woman’s husband and brother-in-law kidnapped Emmitt and killed him.  Emmitt was beaten so bad, he looked like an alien or something out of a horror movie.  The brothers boasted about this killing.  They were eventually brought to trial which they boasted even more during trial and during interviews.  The brothers were found innocent.  An all white jury, judge, governor, attorney general, president of the United States found these men innocent.  I only include the justice system because they did nothing to overturn this.  These men went on to live productive lives while 14 year old Emmitt never got to live another day. 

When White America wonders why Black people do not share the same contempt for OJ as they do; it is not because we think he’s innocent, no one will ever know, but it’s because it’s one win for us.  Yes, the win may sound perverted, but it’s about time.  See, Emmitt Till is just one story.  One that got some press due to his mother Mamie Till who courageously had Emmitt’s body viewed as an open coffin so everyone can see the atrocities. 

When Emmitt was murdered no on talked about overhauling the justice system, which obviously especially in the state of Mississippi needed some. Oh no to white America lady justice was blind as always and did not judge.  But when it came to OJ, lady justice must be blind, deaf and dumb, she let OJ go.  When OJ was found innocent white America was outraged.  I can not tell you the countless articles, news stories I read and saw regarding the overhauling of the jury selection process, the law, civil rights, etc. you name it they were disputing.  Yet when Emmitt Till, Rodney King, Amadau Diallo and not to mention the number of black women and little girls who were raped by white men (not just during slavery, plenty afterwards)  had atrocities inflicted on them there was no talk of overhauling the justice system.  As a matter of fact the accused were protected and positioned in a light of honor and justice. 

So white America I ask why after all these years can’t OJ eat in a restaurant?  Is it because you think he’s a murderer or because you swear he murdered a white woman??  The only crime OJ has committed is not keeping out of the spotlight.  As Damon Wayans once said in a comedy act, “OJ should leave the country and go some place where he could be surrounded by the land of white women.”  Instead OJ stood here and has always tried to regain his claim to glory.  OJ honey give it up.  You will never be forgiven.  I’m sure Bob Costas, Frank Gifford, Marv Albert and the Hertz producers haven’t called you in years.  My advice to OJ is stay low become a Howard Hughes.  Obscurity is sometimes the best formula to celebrity.  

On a last note, I’m sure that some who are reading this article are saying to themselves this is bull and that I may be playing the race card.  If you are one that shares this opinion, let me ask you this, out of a deck of 52 I only have one card, you have the remaining 51.  If my one card trumps yours one time in a century, who’s really winning and let’s be honest about why you are so mad at OJ.

Prozac vs. Keeping it Real

Women of color and women of non-color have different ways of expressing their opinion.  Black and Latina women are known to be vibrant and vocally animated when it comes to expressing their opinion.  This characteristic is not only in Corporate America but throughout our everyday lives.  These attributes are the ingredients of what makes us mothers, daughters, sisters, wives and friends.  Unfortunately, to the dismay of others these ingredients sometimes result in a tasteless recipe.  This exuberant character is usually mistaken for an individual who is perceived as hyperactive and maddening, unlike the perception of our white counterparts.

If you have ever been in a meeting with a white person, which I’m sure anyone reading this has, you have undoubtedly witnessed your white colleague having their very own animated moment.   I once attended a meeting in which a white colleague of mine had what seemed like a breakdown.  We were having a meeting on how we could assist another department in enhancing their business developmental activities through the use of technology. This colleague verbally assaulted the Business Director and her staff.  She basically told them they have been slow to act and now are looking at us to bail them out.  She went on to say some other eventful phrases.  As I sat in shock all I could wonder is what is the woman on.  My goodness she must of lost of her mind.  I was almost 200% sure that either she was quitting that day and going out with a bang or my boss was going to let her have it.  Well folks, the rest of the day, week, month, etc. heck for the whole time till I left nothing negative about this event was ever said.  Furthermore, similar events such as this were repeated quite often.   And then I heard it one day, Jane has problems, her husband left her, she’s always been outspoken, her kids are doing bad in school and oh the best she’s currently on anti-depressants.  All of these excuses for Jane’s actions.  The word “excuse” should not be taken lightly.  Jane had carte blanche to act anyway she wanted to in a meeting because she supposedly had a jacked up personal life.  Her outbursts and negative reactions were not only tolerated but they were understandable and met with much empathy.  Now let’s flip the script or how they say in hip hop – Remix.  I too have had my little outburst, but no where near the same performance as my white colleague.  I did not curse or insult anyone, yet my performance was not met with the same excusive compassion like that of my white counterpart.  Instead I was spoken to by my manager about how to properly present myself in a meeting and how I should also work on controlling how I express my feelings as well as having concern for others.  As this gibberish was being conveyed to me all I could think of was, what makes my actions different than that of Jane.  I disagreed with several of my colleagues and my boss, however my disagreement was conducted in a professional manner and I made sure to keep my “corporate” voice.  My actions were indisputable; I was adamant about my position and presented my views in an honest manner.  No screaming, cursing or insulting, yet I was called to the table and then I understood it, I’m not on Prozac, my keeping it real scares them more than someone who is publicly unstable. 

If anyone were curious about my life I too had some issues.  I grew in the South Bronx, not the historical part, well maybe it’s now historical since Jimmy Carter visited and declared it a war zone, my brother was a habitual criminal now in jail doing 9 to 18, my husband once had an issue with drugs, trust me the list can go on, but there is no excuse for me.  Should I have worn my problems on my sleeve? I think not.

We are not afforded the same liberty of, “if your personal life is not OK we’re here for you.”  If I would have mentioned my brother, those people would have bugged out.  They would have treated any disagreement as a direct insinuation that I would sick my brother on them. One may argue, hey Jane is honest about what’s going on, maybe so should have I.  Realistically it’s not the same, my issues would have been considered stereotypical and my hiring would have been considered a regret.  We know these life instances have to be secretly maintained in order for us to survive in Corporate America, which means our real feelings no matter how passionate they are have to be reserved.  It’s OK to be nuts and act like it as long as you have good excuse, but it’s different when you’re of color, the same excuse does not apply to you and this is why you should never forget Prozac beats Keeping it Real every time.