Michael

Like everyone in the entire world I was overwhelmed with great sadness on the passing of Michael Jackson. Phone calls came through, text messages, my Mom was crying, my husband was crying, it was insane. You would of thought we lost a family member, but in a way we did…. Although I didn’t know Mike personally, I personally know his music. He is actually the real first indication of music that I can remember.

As early as 5 years old I recall my parents playing the ABC album I think that’s what it was called. The album cover was a two fold and I distinctly remember Bill Cosby doing some voice over work. I remember how my brother, cousin and I would create dance steps to Dance Machine. Oh and let’s not forget the famous Christmas album. 30 plus years later I’m still playing that album something now my 11 year old daughter is accustomed too. I remember when Mike and his brothers were growing up and left Motown to join CBS Records and produced the album with the hit single “Enjoy Yourself”. Michael Jackson and his brothers gave me my first rhythm to music. I was saddened not because I’m a deranged fan but because Mike was my definition of music. I grew up with him; regardless of blood ties he was a family member. He was like my distant impactful “music” brother. He was there for the good times, the bad times and the growing up times. Mike has been everywhere in my life and that I believe is a space usually reserve for family members, which is what Mike is to me.

Over the years as with any family member I did have my issues with Mike, dare I say I did abandon him for a period of time. Once Thriller came out I knew my brother when a bit astray. Although I loved some of the records on the album namely Lady in my Life, PYT and You Got to be Starting Something, I was not “thrilled” with Billy Jean, Beat it or the title track Thriller, these were the records that really catapulted and set Michael off into another world. A world of acceptance by everyone in which I felt my brother had no time for me or those like me who lived in the inner city. As much as everyone in the ghetto who grew up with Mike is upset, there’s no denying that Thriller or the Bad album were not “our” kind of music. As much as I loved Mike I just knew my brother had changed. He no longer was just a part of my family but a part of a universal family. Now looking back I think I was being selfish about his endeavors to globally branch off musically. These are the times I found myself angry with Mike. I was particularly displeased at his own self-hatred of his image. It’s one thing to get weaves or do some minor cosmetic surgery but when you bleach your skin and totally alter your appearance it’s just sickening.

Being a living legendary pop icon I don’t think Mike realized the powerful message he conveyed when he turned white on purpose. Yes I know there were the vertiligo reports but damm if that were true Mike should be famous for being the first man to naturally turn white. Most vertiligo cases involve blotches of white skin and not your average Caucasian tone. It usually resembles an open wound that’s in the process of healing after the scab has eroded. Mike’s complexion was an unnatural white. Regardless of what some people think if you have enough money you can do anything and Mike proved that is so true! Diana Ross had also bleached her skin but she stopped somewhere in the middle. I know the reports of Joe Jackson calling him ugly as well as the dreadful transition years from cute child star to adolescent can be daunting, just ask Gary Coleman. I remember when the Enjoy Yourself single came out and my cousins saying he wasn’t cute anymore. I’m sure all these factors played a role in Michael’s transition but damm I think personally he could of stopped at the very least when we can clearly see the most drastic change during the Bad album. But as we all know he didn’t. I thought it ironic for him to make a song called Black and White and the lyrics stated it didn’t matter when it was clear that it did matter to Mike. In his view it was apparent that “White” is right. Those actions were so powerful. As a woman of color I was down right pisst off with Mike. I felt he abandoned us and he sent a message to the world how Black was so horrid! But as a typical family member when trouble looms they come back and we forgive.

During Mike’s first molestation trial, he was on all the Black TV. This was the first time in my life I had seen Mike on the NAACP awards not to mention his appearance on the Soul Train music awards. Mike hadn’t been on Soul Train since he danced with his brothers. Oh, and the album out at the time was Dangerous. Finally my brother was coming back to his senses. Remember the Time was the hit single along with a number of other singles that grooved throughout our households. Mike was back, he was jamming and he had our full support. You knew how Black works we always got your Back!! After all this was over, my brother went away again. He married Lisa Marie Presley then divorced her and then married the most homeliest white woman in the world, Debbie Rowe. Again I thought to myself there goes Mike wanting to be white again. I was not prepared for what was next, the children.

Mike’s children look nothing like him pre-surgery which is a clear indication these aren’t his biological children, but perhaps children conceived by two white parents and then claimed by Mike. Most bi-racial children have some visible trait of both races. Even if one child came out looking all white the other may not. Mike’s kids are blond, blue-eyed and as white as the ivory snow. And then he goes to make a 3rd child by a surrogate who is obviously white, though he denied it. As I loved my brother I hated his attack on our self-image. As much as we claim him to be a black man as the best entertainer of all time, the truth is Michael did not want to be black, doesn’t mean he did not want to be my brother, but he just didn’t like the color. It’s as simple as that!

Mike, I Love You and forgive you. You were a conflicted, complicated genius. No matter what issues you had you were the BEST at what you did and that was entertain. Elvis, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, etc. can’t touch you. You will go in history as the Beethoven of our time. I am sorry that you had to battle any demons and never had a chance to know someone who truly really loved you and knew you, how could they, when you never had the chance to know who you really were? Rest in Peace for the world and their horrors can’t touch you now.

Love,
Blacktina