Aw the beauty of racial inclusion! We have black and white marriages all over America and although a personal taboo to some it is more a societal proscription to be outraged and outspoken against interracial coupling. So with “all this love” (Debarge theme), how are we as individuals who interact with half of these spouses affected as it pertains to our everyday life in corporate America?
Whenever I meet a white woman who is clearly proud of her black husband and bi-racial children as evidenced by the pictures on her cubicle’s wall of fame, the first thing I assume is “she must be cool” or “she must be down”. I am here to tell you in the words of Felix Unger from the Odd Couple, never assume, cause you make an Ass out of U and Me! No mantra has even been proven more correctly as it is in this situation. My experiences with white women who are married to black men have been disappointing and downright frustrating. The very idea of them being cool is trumped by their stares, condensing tones, and their unfriendliness.
I consider myself a woman of thick skin and have no problems if someone doesn’t want to befriend me. But in my encounters with these particular white women the disdain of friendliness towards me was so obvious you could almost see smoke coming out their ears each time they had to approach me. Another factor that has troubled me were the stares. The stares are clearly not of admiration and they’re also not in the “this chick is ghetto look” category, cause I’m not but more like I hate you, why do you exist stare! And the tone when asking me a question or responding to a request, it’s almost as if they worked on rehearsing shooting me down or work real hard at embarrassing me; but because I know my shit they always seem to fail! Now I know I’m generalizing and some of this may sound trivial like I could of caused something but trust me I didn’t. What I do know that although interracial coupling is widely accepted there’s something going on internally within these relationships that’s causing these Heathers’ who are married to Tyrones’ to lose their damm minds when it comes to Sistahs!
Well fortunately I may have one of the answers and guess what it’s all about Tyrone! Almost like the Tyrone in Eryka Badu’s famous song. Tyrone can be trifling and can’t handle a Sistah! Yeah I know we heard these excuses before but hear me out. It is typically known that brothers who fall for Snow White do so cause they can’t handle strong black women. Even if a brother tells you that’s bullshit, you tell him no “you’re Bull Shit” cause it’s true. Your mama is a Sistah, your sister is a Sistah, your Big Momma is a Sistah and you get with a Heather, why??? The “why” is because Heather will take your shit, make you feel like Mandingo all the time, but more importantly Tyrone will treat Heather like gold or better yet his white diamond! But have we ever asked ourselves what does Tyrone tell Heather about why he doesn’t date black women? Before I go on I would like to say I know some Tyrones’ who are married to Heathers’ and still love their black women but out of pure LOVE married their Heather; and I’m not mad at you. However, these numbers are very low compared to the typical Tyrone. Now back to what Tyrone tells Heather; have we ever thought if Tyrone has such a low perception of us, what does he tell his wife???
While working with the last “Heather” I had the accidental privilege of meeting her Tyrone. First of all he looked like Magilla Gorilla, yes I know we shouldn’t compare our peeps to primates, but trust me he had a striking resemblance. When I met Magilla oops I mean Tyrone, he was aloof, somewhat rude, and had none of the brotha to sistah connections we kind of share. What made it worst is this Tyrone was from the Bronx my hometown and not from uppity Bronx like Riverdale, nope, straight hood like yours truly. His treatment of me confirmed 1) Tyrone truly has problems being in relationship of any manner with a woman who shares his same racial makeup and 2) the manner in which he treated me was the same way his wife treated me, hmmm…..could it be that Tyrone tells Heather we are trifling, don’t trust us, we’re abrasive therefore she has to be rude with sistahs. In other words, what the hell is Tyrone feeding Heather for her treat her black subordinates or counter parts in certain ways? Whatever it is Heather needs to chill. One day Heather is going to push too far and find out what abrasive really means and in hood terms that means busting your ass. Never underestimate a Sistah, some of us will still meet you at your car for the infamous beat down, LOL. OK, I’m digressing and I don’t want to prove Tyrone right. However, it’s incredible to me that our relationships with white women who marry black men are so troubled.
For a quick minute I also thought of another aspect as to why Heather could be upset with us and it could be dare I say US! You know how we do; we see a brotha with a white girl and the stares and snickering will ensue. So maybe Heather is on her guard and treats us all the same. However, if that is so then isn’t Heather stereotyping all of us without judging us individually?? But hey isn’t that what racism is, grouping and treating us as one.
Regardless of the excuses/reasoning I have learned that when I come across the Heather/Tyrone mix to stay on my guard. Let me see where Heather is going with this. I’m not sure if she’s been tainted by Tyrone or scarred by Sistahs. Whatever it is I’ll remain neutral for the protection of both our lives 
. If any Heather’s are reading this, first of all let me apologize for calling you Heather, that seems to be stapled name in your race, but if you are reading this, don’t take away any of the insults, take away with you that we shouldn’t be judged collectively regardless of what your man has told you. Treat us individually and you may get a new BFF. And hey if we act shady towards you then do what you do and throw shade right back but don’t and please DON’T just ASSUME we’re all the same regardless of what you hear or see!
Peace Out,
Blacktina
